everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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