we have officially mastered the walk of shame
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
