How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
