from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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