brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
