Do you still have your period?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
