ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
