1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
