so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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