how do flat chested girls get laid?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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