Got a toothbrush?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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