My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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