I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
