i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
