Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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