Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
