Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
