At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
