He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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