Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
