There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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