I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
