peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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