I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
