I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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