I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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