If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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