You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
