so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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