we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
