I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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