I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
