If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
