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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
one two three fourrrrnication!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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