Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
