Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will be naked everywhere
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
