she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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