Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize