Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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