we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
