i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
