How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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