I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
