I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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