u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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