I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
