oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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