I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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