I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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