Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
