I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
