I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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