Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
