so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
