Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
