Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
