Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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