I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
