Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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