Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
