): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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