be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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