Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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