i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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