im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
