True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
