I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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