well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
