My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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