I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
