Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
