If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
