Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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