the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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