Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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