I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
