apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
