Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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