I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
