let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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