hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
