Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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